My dog has dug a large hole in my backyard and is losing her mind about what’s inside. I look in the hole and know instantly that I will be on the news.
So, I close it. Instantly.
You know, I am of considerable age and have seen plenty in this world. Therefore, I also know when to close a hole. My dog is losing her shit, so, I have to calm her down in the house.
Then, I return to the place where she has dug up the weird thing. I need to start thinking. As a biologist I know that nature owns its own immune system. If there is a weird contamination hazard, many microorganisms in the soil may tackle it. But it’s a dry summer, rain has not happened for weeks. Earthly microorganisms need water to gain their best performance.
Having this is mind, I fetch my watering can and pour ponds of water onto that delicate spot. Then, I start thinking about miscellaneous events like nosy neighbors. Maybe put some grass bricks onto it? Better do.
After a while, the spot looks nearly as neat as the rest of the meadow. Pleased, I return to the house and plan to take the dog for a walk.
A day passes, and my nerves calm down. Probably nature has taken care of it. I will never again face that thing.
But then, the doorbell rings. I open the door and look into the face of my dear neighbor Marianda. She smiles and lifts a small box she carries with both her hands.
“I am glad you are at home, Pandora! You are the only one who could make something out of that. Look what I have found!”
She opens the box, and to my horror, I see the thing I hoped to have buried well. Joyfully she continues. „It bulged out of my meadow. It is moving on its own! Did I discover a new species?”
When you know Marianda long enough, you aren’t much surprised that such a thing does not scare her. Well, anyway, I have to take care of that.
“Wow, Marianda, you made quite a discovery! But I think it is a common fungus. You know, there are some fungi which can move on their own. They look like goo, too.”
Disappointed, she looks down at the box. “So, you mean it is nothing special? But it is red!”
“Yes, fungi can be quite red. Just think of the toadstool.”
“Aww, so it’s just a mushroom.” But then, she smiles, “Though a funny one. Now, I got to know a moving mushroom myself!”
I smile back while slowly getting hold of the box. “Yes, you did! And I can take care of it. I know perfectly well where it thrives better than here.”
Baffled, she lets go of the box and concludes, “Well, thank you for helping it thrive. Please tell me how it went along!”
“I will! No worries.”
When Marianda is gone, I hurriedly carry the box into my small office room. Here, I still have some equipment from my old laboratory. I put the red goo-thing in its box on the table.Terrified, I watch it moving. And then, instantly, a robotic voice echoes.
<We are glad we found you.>
Damn! It’s even worse! What is this thing?
<We traveled 5.3 light years to your planet. We needed to find a decorated microbiologist like you to make Earth aware of us.>
Well, yeah, I won some honorable prices for my research, yet my rent is more than humble.
<You already helped us a lot by covering us from the sun and watering the soil. We need moisture and food.>
Oh my goodness! Apparently, they are water-based. But what do they mean by food?
Getting straight to the point, I decide to ask them. “What food?”
<We found that the little worms are a formidable source of energy. They harm the vegetables you grow in the garden. We are sure we may reach a formidable cooperation between you and us.>
Yikes, they are eating nematodes! Oh, dear! Yes, these worms damage my veggies, but just the same, I do know that they are very essential to life on Earth. I need to find a solution to this.
“I see. It is very kind of you to free me of nematodes. I should introduce you to my superiors and tell them that you will fight with us against the evil nematodes.”
The goo seems to like it. <This is exactly what we hoped you would help us with>
“Splendid! Let’s start right away! I will bring you to them!”
Before I leave, I lure my dog into the fenced garden. After that, I joyfully put the box with the alien goo into my car on the co-driver’s seat and squeeze myself behind the steering wheel.
“Let’s go!”
<We are glad you are acting quickly. We are hungry.>
“I bet you are. We need to pass the bush fires of the season to reach my boss.”
<Whatever it takes.>
##
So, I drive to the bush fires on a tiny side road where they did not put the barriers up. Fog and smoke cloud the sky and I try to be as jolly as can be. The goo seems to be content. I see the first fires and accelerate.
“We need the speed to pass it quickly.”
<You are the expert here.>
“Yeah right, I am. Bye!”
Close enough to the fire, I push my spare umbrella against the gas pedal, open the door and roll myself out of it.
Blank.
…
##
“Madam! Do you hear me?”
A young man’s voice wakes me up.
Shocked, I ask, “Where is my car?“
“It burnt. But thank goodness, you did not!”
“Uh!”
He continues. “At your age you should not drive a car anymore, you know.”
Damn! A driver’s license for the safety of Earth! Alas, fair price.
THE END